check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we're chasing vodka with high fives
People in love make me want to vomit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
