Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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