Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
