her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
