dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
