I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
