That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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