if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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