i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
