Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
