Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
