lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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