if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
