you have to choose: penises or morals?
i came on her dog
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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