maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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