dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
