I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
