gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
