New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
