Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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