Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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