I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
