dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Enjoy the penises
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
