do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
