I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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