Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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