she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
