First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
