plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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