Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
