Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
