I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
