I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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