At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
