Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
