How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
