Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
