she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
