i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize