im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
