Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
