Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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