Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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