I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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