We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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