you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
