Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
