I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
