he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
