i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
