I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
