I hate your face
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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