The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
