Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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