Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
