I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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