I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
