Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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