Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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