i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the raccoons are back...
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