Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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