Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
