I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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