why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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