just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
