We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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