she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
