is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
