So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize