WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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