do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
