Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
