so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
