I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
