We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
