dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
