C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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