Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
