You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
