ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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