Nicole vs. Life
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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