He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
